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chaos_makir

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I am still very much alive and kicking... [7.12.07 - 3.20pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

However, it has been hectic around here lately. I am here to post more fun stuff... First, a completely heterosexual love story... Yes, it does have graphic sex in it... NC-17. Do NOT read if you are not old enought, or are grossed out by reading such...

Next, I have a little bit of an NC-17 rated story that has a m/m pairing...

And third is a poetry collaboration that I did with a friend on dA. I heart her.

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[6.28.07 - 12.55am]
[ mood | hyper ]

Okay ya'll. I decided that I was gonna work on entries for a contest on DeviantArt. Completely not like me, but the challenge was to find a line from a song or poem or book, and take a picture that correlated with that line. I am totally in love with the song 'Pieces of You' by Jewel. I decided to use a line from there. The result is a picture of me with some stuff written on it. Definitely not the best, but I can still try more, and pick my favorite. But...

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me mE ME! [6.27.07 - 2.30pm]
I did this awesome thingy! It was awesome! It told me all about my name, and it was super fun.

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[6.25.07 - 1.29pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

Last night was fun.


Oh yeah, and I bought "Wild Hope" the new CD from Mandy Moore. I think she's finally found a sound that deserves recognition. She sounds like she has majorly matured. The track lineup is amazing. She sounds like she has taken some lesson from the people she wrote the album with... Chantal Kreviazuk, Jason Mraz, Rachael Yamagata, and many others...

Oh yeah, I forgot about my other promise to _acerbitas_ last night...

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[6.23.07 - 4.11pm]
I just wanna go to bed forever.
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Working on Shit... [6.14.07 - 11.38pm]
[ mood | blank ]

Okay. So the latest scoop in my life is this. 

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:p [6.14.07 - 6.42pm]
[ mood | devious ]

Hey hey hey to the wonderful world of teh eljayz!!

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Defloweration [5.22.07 - 12.45am]
Okay... This piece is kinda graphic. I dunno if anyone will actually read this, but I wrote this after inspiration from a friend's DeviantArt post.



DISCLAIMER: The events in this story are a very loosely based on an event that I am led to strongly believe happened to me as a child. However, I am not drowning myself in a river of vodka.

Cummings is a reference to e.e. cummings.
Mosley is a reference to Lacey Mosley of Flyleaf.
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Things I'll Never Say [5.7.07 - 10.16am]
[ mood | frustrated ]

You can say anything when you've got nothing to lose.
1. List some things you want to say to 20 different people but you know you never will.
2. Don't say who they are.
3. Feel free to comment, but don't confirm or answer anything.
4. Never discuss it again.

<3          *!*         *@*         *#*         <3         *#*         *@*          *!*         <3

1. There are things about you that I could never understand. You've hurt me more than you could ever imagine... As much as I love you as a person I really just wish i could be more of a bitch sometimes. I think you need to be told about the pain you inflict on people.

2. With all that's gone on between us I find it amazing that I still feel bad about the things that happened. Things never really were normal for us, were they? I guess it all boils down to the fact that you never felt what you swore you did. There were three words that I thought you meant, but I was sadly mistaken.

3. Sometimes I lay awake at night, and worry about the future... Is the friendship we've built up in the past few months really strong enough? Do you really believe all the pretty things you claim you "see" in my future? Or are you just pretending so I won't cry anymore?

4. You are a new friend to me... but it feels like I've known you forever. You have a familiar spirit... I could tell you everything. We are so much alike it's scary sometimes. Although in truth I'm sure there are huge chunks of my past that contribute to my insecurities... But you have enough to deal with right now. Let me know when you're ready for it. Ironically you may be the only one to figure out who I'm talking about.

5. If I lived one thousand lives I could never find someone like you. It's as though some vast force brought you to me. I trust you with my life, but sometimes I feel like I could never be enough... My self-esteem is non-exsistent and I'm sure it strains our relationship. I'm such a dark person, but you bring a light to my eyes that I thought would never return... No matter what the populous has to say. "How wonderful life is when you're in the world."

6. I thought you were supposed to love me no matter what, but I see now that your love is on conditions. As long as I act like I am what you want me to be you'll love me... I can't be that person anymore... I won't. If you can't love me for who i am then piss off.... I can't fucking do this anymore.

7. [Edited Out] Gone XD

8. There are times when I lay down, and think how much easier things would be if I could just disappear, and you let me know that I am here for something... You hold me close and make me feel like your little brother, and it makes me smile. XD Even when I fear that life could turn for the worst.

9. You really fucked up my sense of self... I wonder some nights when I wake up with the shakes if you think of what you did to me... If you think back, and regret.... Or if it's just a fond memory and a hot sex scene to masturbate to. I wonder if maybe things coulda been different if I were a better person.... If I were smarter... If I were older... If I weren't so feminine... If I weren't so gay. I wonder if I woulda been popular... focused... normal. Do you realize how much you hurt me? I trusted you... I thought you were there to protect me... You've made it so hard to trust... to love... to show love... to feel love... to understand true love... to make love... FUCK YOU!

10. You have your emo moments, but I know that I can trust you and that you love me. I can connect with you, and you're there to console me... Thank you. You've made my life better...

<3          *!*         *@*         *#*         <3         *#*         *@*          *!*         <3

I am emotionally drained from some of these... Therefore, if I decide as such there will be ten more.........
*dOUg*

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[4.6.07 - 9.16pm]
[ mood | content ]

Okay... So this is my pathetic attempt at creativity.

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yay!! [2.25.07 - 11.44pm]
[ mood | XD ]

I started playing with Photoshop, and this is the result.

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I was playing with Adobe Photoshop, and looked over to see my haikus, and thus came about the happy things you see here!!

 



Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
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[2.4.07 - 10.01pm]
"Sane people are such cripples! Hamstrung you are, by the real world. Whereas a madman can just dismiss the problem by saying 'it's just the real world' and go on about the important business, which is imagining."
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I stepped over a line... [11.26.06 - 11.11pm]
[ mood | embarrassed ]

...and I am so sorry.

Ali... I don't even know if you'll read this, but I wanted to say I'm sorry. I may not agree with everything that you do, but I painted you like a horrid bitch, and it's not true. I really miss you guys all the time. I don't wanna fight with you. I am not the kind of person that adds to drama. i just... Nevermind, enough excuses. I'm sorry. I know that doesn't fix everything, but I really am.

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Haikus Rock!! [11.17.06 - 10.18pm]
[ mood | content ]

15 HaikusRead more...Collapse )

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Whiskey Lullaby - Brad Paisley and Allison Krauss [11.16.06 - 9.59pm]
She put him out like the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart he spent his whole life tryin' to forget
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Until the night

He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said I'll love her till I die
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby


The rumors flew but nobody know how much she blamed herself
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Until the night

She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby
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Umm... [11.14.06 - 10.33pm]
Wow! Registered for spring classes... I'm gonna be broke... I mean B-R-O-K-E! Geez...
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Queen Alyss Reigns [10.14.06 - 4.25pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

OH MY FRICKIN' GOD! Read more...Collapse )

To hear about it got to http://www.thelookingglasswars.com/home.html

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Perhaps (I'm Sorry) [10.6.06 - 11.03pm]
[ mood | Like shit, and I dunno why.... ]

NEW! poem

Read more...Collapse )

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the Soundtrack of My Life [9.12.06 - 5.54pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Okay, the way to handle this is like so: You load your playlist full of your favorite songs... The you tell the machine to shuffle them... Then you press play.... Fill in the first question... Hit next fill in the next question. Do until completed.

1. Opening Credits: Nelly Furtado "Promiscuous"
2. Waking Up: Mariah Carey "Always Be My Baby" (That would be a depressing wake up)
3. Falling In Love: Shawn Colvin "Climb On"
4. Fight Scene: Natasha Bedingfield "Single"
5. Breaking Up: Jennifer Love Hewitt "Barenaked"
6. Looking Back on Your Life: Paris Hilton "Stars Are Blind"
7. Getting Back Together: Styx "Babe I Love You"
8. Secret Love: Counting Crows "Big Yellow Taxi"
9. Life's Okay: Sherie Renee Scott "I Can Do Better Than That"
10. Mental Breakdown: Coheed and Cambria "Bye Bye Beautiful"
11. Partying: Hinder "Lips of An Angel"
12. Driving: Kansas "Dust in the Wind"
13. Flashbacks: Utada Hikaru "Let Me Give You My Love" (Yeah, if they're SEX scene flashbacks)
14. Long Night Alone: Michelle Branch "Everywhere"
15. Final Battle: Saving Jane "Happy"
16. Death Scene: Stacie Orrico feat. Jin "More to Life (Remix)"
17. Ending Credits: Hawk Nelson "Hello"

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Poll Thingy [9.10.06 - 10.24pm]
Poll #818167 Poll Thingy

What kind of poetry do you connect with?

Love
0(0.0%)
Anger
0(0.0%)
Depression
0(0.0%)
Sensual
0(0.0%)
None of the Above
1(50.0%)

If you answered 'None if the Above', what do you suggest??

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